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Life Balance

In this day and age we are working longer and longer hours making balance harder. Everybody, at one time or another, struggles to achieve or maintain balance in their life.

Life balance, in its broadest definition, is a feeling of contentment, well being, engagement, and fit, in the multiple areas of your life. An overall sense of harmony in your life. It is a balance within yourself, with family and community. And the balance is defined by individual needs, goals, and experiences; one size does not fit all.

Some questions that may be worth asking yourself:

• Are you feeling irritable?
• Do you get distracted easily?
• Do you constantly feel stressed or under pressure?
• Do you go through the day in a fog?
• Does your life feel balanced?
• Do you feel that you don't belong?
• Are you suffering from a lack of energy?

If you answered yes to two or more of these questions then you may have imbalance in your life. Generally imbalance is caused by over extending yourself in one or more areas of your life to the detriment of other areas. It is also caused by focusing on activities that do not fit in with our values structure. The resulting stress can manifest itself in physical as well as emotional ailments. According to statistics 75% of physician visits are stress related.

If any of the above have meaning for you and you would like to discuss it further, please contact us.

Further Resources:

You Can Have What You Want Michael Neill Hay House ISBN: 1 4019 1183 8

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Life Balance (104 KB)

Performance Improvement

Performance is the measurement of results achieved against targets set. Efficiency of performance is the ratio of effort or energy expended and the results achieved. The difference between current peformance and desired performance is the performance gap.

Generally, when we think of performance as an individual we relate it to work or sport. Rarely do we relate it to other roles in our lives such as spouse, parent, friend, or role model. Much about performance measurement is subjective, even the quantifiable measures have some subjectivity. Bottom line is that we are judged based on our actions, how we perform and what we do. I'm sure you have heard the expression "Actions speak louder than words."

Much about performance is relational: how you relate to others and how you relate to the task. If you hate your job then you most likely will not perform well in it. If you don't like some of the people you work with, it can impact your performance.

Many of us are likely to experience a performance gap of some sort. This may be as a result of:

• the abstract nature of performance.
• of not establishing objectives; and the appropriate measurement of acceptable performance.
• being distracted and losing focus of the task at hand.
• unconcious sabotaging (you don't know why it is happening)
• just not caring

If you are having performance issues, whether as an individual or with a team please contact us. Just think where you might be if you could achieve a 1% improvement in your performance every week.

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Performance Improvement (99 KB)

Achieving Goals

Another reason that goals are not achieved is because they don't actually have the conviction of the person trying to accomplish the outcome. A good example of this is when a goal, or goals, are set by someone else without consultation with the goal's recipient. An example would be some sales quotas. In order to accomplish a goal you need to believe there is something in it for you.

One more reason that goals don't get accomplished is that they are just plain unrealistic. They are unrealistic in the time frame, resources required, end result expected and the need to accomplish them.

To be effective in accomplishing goals, the goals need to generate excitement within you. It is important that you go after the goal with enthisiasm.

If you are having concerns or problems in either setting or achieving goals, please contact us. We can share with you a process for both setting realistic goals and a way of achieving them. Avoid getting trapped in the trivial and start achieving what you want.

Further Resources:

You Can Do It Paul Hanna Penguin ISBN: 0 7343 0290 8

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Achieving Goals (90 KB)

Coping with Anxiety & Stress

"It is not things in themselves which trouble us, but the opinions we have about these things. " - Epictetus, Ancient Philosopher

According to recent statistics more than 20% of all Australians will suffer from a bout of anxiety or depression that will affect their lifestyle at least once in their life. Anxiety can almost become the 'norm' for many of us when we live in a large city or are trying to make our way ahead in life in a way that is meaningful and rewarding for ourselves. Some questions that may be worth asking yourself?

• Have you lost the ability to enjoy things that used to give you pleasure?
• Do you constantly feel stressed or under pressure?
• Do you wake up in the morning and wonder how you will get through the day?
• Do you dwell on feelings of failure or hopelessness?

Conditions such as stress, anxiety, panic attacks and depression can leave people with a sense of hopelessness and/or helplessness as well as rob them of any joy or happiness in even the simplest of life's pleasures. We can get so used to feeling anxious or depressed that we lose the ability to enjoy the pleasurable moments that life may bring us each day.

Past experiences can also fuel anxiety and depression. Something like a past traumatic event, the loss of something or someone dear to us or even childhood emotional or physical events that negatively impacted us can influence our way of being toward experiencing anxiety and depression.

Psychotherapy and counselling can offer you great support if you are struggling with these issues. In a safe and trusting therapeutic relationship, feelings can be explored and supported, negative or self limiting beliefs can be recognised, even challenged, toward a goal of developing healthier perspectives about what is happening for you in your world.

I encourage you to contact me if any of the above has meaning for you when I will be happy to share with you how the counselling process may work for you.

Further Resources:

Beating the Blues - S. Tanner & J. Ball
Southwood Press ISBN: 0 646 36622 X

No More Anxiety - G. McMahon
Karnac Books ISBN: 1 88575 381 2

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Coping with Anxiety & Stress (106 KB)

Experiencing Relationship Difficulties Couples ~ Families ~ Groups

"The only thing worse than having a relationship in trouble is to have a relationship in trouble and be in denial about it" - Dr. Phil' McGraw

A relationship is like a 'dance', and a complex one at that! Imagine trying to dance the Tango without learning some basic steps, or to continue dancing the Waltz without treading on another's toes, when your partner keeps slipping in another step? Some questions that may be worth thinking about:

• Do you struggle with conflicting needs for closeness and individuality?
• Is it difficult for you to be 'yourself' when with a significant other or with someone in authority?
• Does it always seem to be the other person's fault?
• Do you feel you are 'heard' in your relationships with those emotionally close or with those in authority roles around you?

Life is lived in relationships with others and communication happens at many levels. Only 7% of communication is verbal. The greatest part of our communication comes from our physiological behaviour, such as body language, tone and pitch of voice, facial expressions etc. More often it is what is not being said, or what is being assumed, that can cause significant confusion, chaos and upheaval in our relationships.

The Scottish bard, Robert Burns states “Oh whit a gift God wid gie us, Tae see oorselves as ithers see us”. Being able to understand what it is that you do, how it is that you are, that contributes to how others behave or act towards you can indeed be the greatest gift to receive in life. This awareness enables you to make conscious choices about how you want to relate to others and about how you may wish to allow them to relate to you, then learn how to make that happen.

Working in a safe coaching or therapeutic environment with a partner, your family or within a business or social group can greatly enhance understanding of your own and of other people’s contribution to the success—or failure—of your relationships or your communication goals.

Coaching or Psychotherapy can offer you considerable support and guidance if you are struggling with business, social or emotionally close communication in your relationships.

I encourage you to contact me if any of the above has meaning for you when I will be happy to share with you how this process may be useful for you.

Further Resources:

Relationship Rescue - Dr. Phil McGraw
Hyperion Books ISBN: 0-7868-8598-X

Really Relating - Jansen & Newman
Random House ISBN: 0-09-184006-6

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Experiencing Relationship Difficulties Couples (107 KB)

Gaining Self Confidence

Self confidence is important in almost every aspect of our lives. Unfortunately many people have difficulty in finding it. Quite often self esteem and self confidence are used interchangeably. The distinction is somewhat blurred,but they are different. Self esteem is how we feel about ourself. Self confidence is having confidence in judgement, opinion, beliefs, and ability. I would suggest that if you have low self esteem, then it will be more difficult to be self confident.

Self confident people inspire confidence in other people. Self confidence is displayed in many ways: your attitude, your body language, your behaviour, and your speech. Self confident people have a positive attitude, walk proudly, live by their values and principles, take risks and try new things, and articulate their case well. Can you say that about yourself?

Or are you:

• Negative in your mind set.
• Feeling run down and dragging yourself from place to place.
• Fearful of making the wrong decision.
• Hesitant to state your position.
• Making excuses for your performance.
• Uncomfortable within your own skin.

If you would like to learn more about increasing, or developing, self confidence, please contact us. We can help you. The good news is that building self confidence is an achievable thing.

Further Resources:

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway Susan Jeffers Random House ISBN: 0 7126 7105 6

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Gaining Self Confidence (103 KB)

What is Psychotherapy or Counselling?

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them" - Albert Einstein

Individuals, couples, or families participate in psychotherapy and counselling individually or in groups for many different reasons. It seems the most common reasons people reach out for this assistance is when they are emotionally troubled around relationships or with developmental life changes. Many people experience emotional crisis when they have troubles in either, or perhaps a relationship has become troubled or now lost, or they are stuck negotiating a developmental life change, such as ageing, transitions in career, or parenting.

Being able to share what is challenging or causing difficulties in a safe and non judgemental environment, and to gain new perspectives about how you can be supported or approach issues or problems differently can be life changing in itself. This can greatly enhance your awareness and your own ability to achieve solutions or outcomes that you desire. Greater self-awareness, internal healing and learning and developing more meaningful ways of being in the world facilitates increased intimacy with self and enables us to achieve that then with others.

The words Psychotherapy and Counselling are often used interchangeably in sessions with client(s); however following gives a brief overview of the differences of each.

Psychotherapy involves a therapist and client(s) in individuals or groups. In family therapy it may include several family members or in group therapy even other members within a social or job network. Client(s) discuss their issues in an effort to discover the underlying problems and to find constructive solutions. Because sensitive topics are often discussed during psychotherapy, therapists are expected, and usually legally bound, to respect client confidentiality. The process can be most beneficial where there is a feeling of safety with the therapist in the environment where the session is taking place, and a foundational therapeutic relationship is built from the therapist’s ability to listen and discuss client(s) issues whilst displaying positive regard and non judgment. Psychotherapy is intended to improve mental health, and emotional or behavioral issues of individuals, group, or family relationship climates. Mental health problems can include psychological, social and somatic dimensions, which often make it hard for people to manage their lives and achieve their goals. Psychotherapy is aimed at these problems, and attempts to help people to solve them via a number of different approaches and techniques which may include accessing the conscious or unconscious mind with a view to becoming more aware of the script that we use to run our lives.

Many people mistakenly believe that Psychotherapy is all about digging up the past. How you have learnt to be, what you have learnt to do, the ‘rules’ – spoken or unspoken – that you believe you have to live your life by may be a contributing factor in a current issue or it may be blocking or stopping you achieving the future you desire. Our present behaviours, beliefs and actions have usually come about as a result of our life experiences to date. These can continue to impact our present and create our future, and at some stage may become unuseful for us.

If this is the case, then it can become very useful through psychotherapeutic methods to explore parts or our past, gain greater awareness of our how our unconscious mind may be influencing us, to uncover how we got to become who we are. Through this we can learn to change what is no longer useful for us.

Awareness of what it is that we do unconsciously or consciously, that no longer serves us well or is now unuseful to us as an adult, brings us choices, personal freedom and an increased self esteem.

Counselling is often used interchangeably with psychotherapy. It was originally adopted by the person centred therapist Carl Rogers to distinguish his work from the more medically oriented psychotherapy but the difference has become blurred among lay people. A general perspective is that counselling deals with ordinary every day problems and issues, while psychotherapy can deal with deeper mental and emotional problems. Psychotherapy requires more intense training than counselling, and often tends to involve a longer time of participation by the client, although there are some models of Psychotherapy that have a short term treatment approach such as Cognitive, Brief or Strategic therapy.

Counselling is the process of being able to share what is emotionally painful or troubling for you in confidence with another. A counsellor can offer you invaluable support in a safe, trusting, non judgemental space, where you can be fully listened to, learning to share your thoughts and feelings with another in ways that you may never have had the opportunity to do. From this you can become aware of different perspectives, or of ways of relating that you have learnt through life which may or may not be useful for you now. I enc

ourage you to contact me if any of the above has meaning for you, or you are wondering just how you may be able to help yourself in either of the above processes. I will be happy to share with you how the process of therapy may work for you.

Managing Life's Losses

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." - The Prophet, K. Gibran

Grief and loss can come from losing a person, a relationship, a pet, a dream, a lifestyle, moving countries, a job - even a positive change or a change of your choice may create feelings of loss. When you lose whatever it is that once was important to you, or when you change from ways that were once familiar to you, the grief process arises. If someone is no longer in your life, something is no longer achievable, or familiar objects or lifestyles are no longer around, you may be:

• Struggling to cope with the changes in your life?
• Finding it hard to move forward with your life in a healthy and positive way?
• Feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster or going crazy?
• Believe that, or are being told that you should be over it by now?

Loss comes in many ways, shapes and forms, and can be cumulative as we live our lives. However it happens, loss needs to be supported, managed and expressed in a healthy way, rather than 'stuffed away' or suppressed. This may lead to further physical complications, disconnection, even depression.

Experiencing grief can have you feeling as if you are on a 'roller coaster', chaotic and confused, strong one minute - lost and hopeless the next, physically sick and in pain. It is not a linear process, and may feel like its two steps forward and one back at times, yet it too does pass.

Unless we process grief and loss appropriately for ourselves it can dramatically impact how we manage other areas of our life as we try to move on. To integrate these experiences into our life it is most useful to experience our own personal grieving process, at our own pace, in order to move forward in a healthier way in life.

Psychotherapy and counselling can offer you significant support through grieving. I encourage you to contact me if any of the above has meaning for you when I will be happy to share with you how the counselling process may work for you.

Further Resources:

Coping with Grief - M. McKissock & D. McKissock
ABC Books ISBN 0-7333-0438-9

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Managing Life's Losses (104 KB)

Addictions & Co-Dependence

"That, of course, is the devil's bargain of addiction: a short-term good feeling in exchange for the steady meltdown of one's life" - Daniel Goldman

Addiction is a chronic disorder developed as a result of a number of factors that impact a person towards medicating or distracting from life – possibly a combination of social, genetic, biological, emotional and physical factors.

Addiction may appear in many different forms.

• Abuse of a substance: such as addiction to drugs encompassing a wide variety of any one of or all of over-the-counter, prescription or illegal drugs, alcohol, nicotine, etc.
• Addictive behaviours or processes: such as shopping, gambling, mobile phone use, internet, sex and love addiction, raging, withdrawing, working, obsessing, intellecting, etc.

Co-dependence often goes hand in hand where addiction is present. Co-dependence is about loss of self in a relationship, where the focus is on the other person, often the addict or seen to be the one with the ‘problem or issue’. Some definitions of co-dependence and its origins are:

"A disorder of immaturity caused by childhood issues" – Pia Mellody

"A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling" – Melody Beattie

"any suffering and/or dysfunction that is associated with or results from focusing on the needs and behaviour of others … to the neglect of own true self" – Charles Whitfield

Children growing up in family systems where addiction is present are more vulnerable to being either addictive or co-dependent - through learning behaviour of focusing on the addict in order to know how chaotic life would be each day; or to being addictive – perhaps genetically, yet also through the process of seeing those behaviours as a modus operandi for dealing with life.

Both addiction and co-dependence are about loss of self – either to a substance, behaviour or to another person. Both are complex issues that may require a varied approach to healing. De-toxification is required in the case of substance abuse, with ongoing recovery support essential, through methods such as 12 - step or recovery group meetings, sponsorship support, counselling or ongoing therapy.

Core beliefs about self may need to be challenged and worked through, thus therapeutic exploration of the family system is often useful, as is learning to acknowledge and support self, getting in touch with our feelings, shame reduction and inner child work. Therapeutic techniques that work with the unconscious mind, such as hypnotherapy, sand play or creative interventions may also assist in healing from addiction and co-dependency.

Further Resources:

Set Yourself Free (From Addiction and Co-dependence) - S. Smith
Griffin Press SBN 0-9751021-0-9

Facing Codependence (What is it, Where it comes from, How it sabotages our lives) - P. Mellody
HarperCollins ISBN 0-06-250589-0

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Addictions & Co-Dependence (108 KB)

What is Psychotherapy or Counselling?

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them" - Albert Einstein

Individuals, couples, or families participate in psychotherapy and counselling individually or in groups for many different reasons. It seems the most common reasons people reach out for this assistance is when they are emotionally troubled around relationships or with developmental life changes. Many people experience emotional crisis when they have troubles in either, or perhaps a relationship has become troubled or now lost, or they are stuck negotiating a developmental life change, such as ageing, transitions in career, or parenting.

Being able to share what is challenging or causing difficulties in a safe and non judgemental environment, and to gain new perspectives about how you can be supported or approach issues or problems differently can be life changing in itself. This can greatly enhance your awareness and your own ability to achieve solutions or outcomes that you desire. Greater self-awareness, internal healing and learning and developing more meaningful ways of being in the world facilitates increased intimacy with self and enables us to achieve that then with others.

The words Psychotherapy and Counselling are often used interchangeably in sessions with client(s); however following gives a brief overview of the differences of each.

Psychotherapy involves a therapist and client(s) in individuals or groups. In family therapy it may include several family members or in group therapy even other members within a social or job network. Client(s) discuss their issues in an effort to discover the underlying problems and to find constructive solutions. Because sensitive topics are often discussed during psychotherapy, therapists are expected, and usually legally bound, to respect client confidentiality. The process can be most beneficial where there is a feeling of safety with the therapist in the environment where the session is taking place, and a foundational therapeutic relationship is built from the therapist’s ability to listen and discuss client(s) issues whilst displaying positive regard and non judgment. Psychotherapy is intended to improve mental health, and emotional or behavioral issues of individuals, group, or family relationship climates. Mental health problems can include psychological, social and somatic dimensions, which often make it hard for people to manage their lives and achieve their goals. Psychotherapy is aimed at these problems, and attempts to help people to solve them via a number of different approaches and techniques which may include accessing the conscious or unconscious mind with a view to becoming more aware of the script that we use to run our lives.

Many people mistakenly believe that Psychotherapy is all about digging up the past. How you have learnt to be, what you have learnt to do, the ‘rules’ – spoken or unspoken – that you believe you have to live your life by may be a contributing factor in a current issue or it may be blocking or stopping you achieving the future you desire. Our present behaviours, beliefs and actions have usually come about as a result of our life experiences to date. These can continue to impact our present and create our future, and at some stage may become unuseful for us.

If this is the case, then it can become very useful through psychotherapeutic methods to explore parts or our past, gain greater awareness of our how our unconscious mind may be influencing us, to uncover how we got to become who we are. Through this we can learn to change what is no longer useful for us.

Awareness of what it is that we do unconsciously or consciously, that no longer serves us well or is now unuseful to us as an adult, brings us choices, personal freedom and an increased self esteem.

Counselling is often used interchangeably with psychotherapy. It was originally adopted by the person centred therapist Carl Rogers to distinguish his work from the more medically oriented psychotherapy but the difference has become blurred among lay people. A general perspective is that counselling deals with ordinary every day problems and issues, while psychotherapy can deal with deeper mental and emotional problems. Psychotherapy requires more intense training than counselling, and often tends to involve a longer time of participation by the client, although there are some models of Psychotherapy that have a short term treatment approach such as Cognitive, Brief or Strategic therapy.

Counselling is the process of being able to share what is emotionally painful or troubling for you in confidence with another. A counsellor can offer you invaluable support in a safe, trusting, non judgemental space, where you can be fully listened to, learning to share your thoughts and feelings with another in ways that you may never have had the opportunity to do. From this you can become aware of different perspectives, or of ways of relating that you have learnt through life which may or may not be useful for you now. I enc

ourage you to contact me if any of the above has meaning for you, or you are wondering just how you may be able to help yourself in either of the above processes. I will be happy to share with you how the process of therapy may work for you.

Download:

What is Psychotherapy (93 KB)

Healing from Trauma or Abuse

"It's not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean." - Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within

Trauma and abuse can come in many forms throughout life, disrupting and impacting our lives in many different ways, leading us to hold distorted realities and beliefs about our value, our rights and the very essence of who we are – often held in our unconscious mind.

There are obvious ways that people experience trauma and abuse - through having lived with anger or violence, obvious neglect and lack of care, receiving or witnessing physical or sexual abuse, being constantly screamed or yelled at, criticized or judged, or just never being good enough no matter what is done.

Life events can also leave us traumatised, such as natural disasters, accidents, sudden death or loss of a loved one, or unexpected changes thrust on our lives that were outside of our control, such as job loss or a partner suddenly leaving us.

Less obvious forms of trauma or abuse can be equally damaging. One of the biggest forms of childhood trauma can be that of emotional neglect – where there just wasn’t anyone ever there in the way the child needed there to be. They may have been cared for in the basic needs of food, clothing and a roof over their head. However there was no experience for the child of being seen as they needed to be seen, being heard as they needed to be listened to, or being able to rely on someone to be there for them in the way they needed to be supported.

Another form of trauma can be experienced where children have grown up in an enmeshed, over-caring or fused relationship with a parent or primary caregiver. Enmeshment is the experience in a relationship where there is no room for a child to grow or experience self, where all the needs of another consume all that is in the relationship. People often describe the experience of enmeshment as being ‘stuck’, or ‘sucked in’, or wading through a sticky substance. This can cause ongoing problems in relationships throughout life.

Trauma disrupts natural and healthy development and can continue to impact life and relationships on an ongoing basis. All forms of trauma and abuse impact us emotionally and spiritually and affect our ability to maintain a strong sense of self and our feelings of being worth while.

Unrecognised or unresolved trauma or abuse can show up in many ways, and may be contributing factors to addiction or addictive behaviours, traumatic/mood/panic disorders, general and constant anxiety, depression or isolation/withdrawal, or co-dependence.

Further Resources:

Trauma and Recovery - Judith Lewis Herman
Basic Books ISBN 0 86358 430 6

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway - Susan Jeffers
Random House ISBN 0 7126 7105 6

Homecoming - John Bradshaw
Bantam Books ISBN 0 553 35389 6

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Healing from Trauma or Abuse (94 KB)